August 19, 2009

Short Story: Hector

You'd think after how many times I stare at a darn clock something might actually happen. The harder you stare at it the slower the hands move, the slower life moves on, the slower it will take for something good to actually happen to me.

I know I should probably get my ass up and do something but there's really nothing to do. Nothing that will make my life have some kind of effect. Nothing.

Although clocks aren't the only things that I stare at with disdain, it does have some comfort. Maybe the faster time goes by, the faster I can get to my destination in life. So what if I stop staring at the clock? Will it help? Is it just plain hopeless?

"Hector!" That's my mother. My adoring mother who I care about so very much... "Here.. Its Craig," she says while handing me the phone. I take it out of her hand and hold it up to my ear, "Sup dude?" "Hey my man! Whats up Hector?" I grin, he seems to be a lot happier since we last talked. His girlfriend had apparently left him for an older man. I don't just mean like a year or two older I mean like 20 years older or maybe even more. "Ah you know me. Not much. Just sitting here... Staring at a clock..." He laughs, "Man your so funny. Staring at a clock... Good one..." little did he know that I actually was staring at a clock... "So what you call for anyways?" "Well Hector... There's a party tonight over at Veronica's and I was wondering if you wanted to come along," I put my elbows on the counter and try thinking about it for a good five seconds til' I say, "Isn't Veronica the one with the psychotic boyfriend who got thrown in jail a couple years ago and then she found out she was pregnant with his kid?" "No no man. That's a different Veronica. This Veronica is the one who throws parties every Saturday 'cause her parents always have to work and she dated... Um whats his face? The guy with the big mouth and blond hair and thinks hes all that and shows off in front of the ladies?" "Oh.. That Veronica... By the way that guys name is Fred," I try finding a snack in the cupboard but come up empty. "Yeah whatever dude. You gonna come or what?" "Sure." "I'll pick ya' up at... Uh... Six? Is that OK?" "Yeah yeah... Make sure were home by 12:30, don't want my mom freaking out if I stay out too late." "Alright. See yeah later." "Bye," I hang up the phone.

Another party and another set of beautiful ladies lining up for their dance with us handsome guys. Its like heaven on earth for us, even better when they get a little booze.

Don't get me wrong or anything. I'm a gentleman of some sort. I respect girls and give them attention because we all know how much they crave it. No offense but you have to admit you girls love it when we brush the hair off your face, kiss you sweetly with patience, wrap our arms around your waist, kiss your neck gently, opening the door for you, telling you how much we love you, writing you poems, you all buy it. You may not admit it but believe me you do.

For the next two hours Hector has no clue what he wants to do to pass the time so he just gets on the computer and gets on AIM.

He briefly scrolls down the list looking for somebody to talk to but comes up empty. One more hour and forty-seven minutes to go and yet again Hector has faced the dilemma of getting a life. Something that is always plaguing his mind all the time. Hector is a boy of patience and love, all he wants is something new and exciting but it just seems like that's never going to happen.

2 hours and 45 minutes later

"Okay remember. Be cool. Don't get in a fight or else your not getting a ride back home, got it Hector?" I nod my head in agreement. Fair enough right?

When Craig opens the door you can smell alcohol wafting through the door. I almost coughed from how strong it was, my eyes watered a little bit but I just tried to blink really quick to make it go away.

"Hey Trina," I say. I haven't talked to her in awhile. Shes been trying to avoid me for whatever reason. "'Oh hi Hector...." She looks me up and down and smirks, then saunters off with a beer in her hands. Okay talk about major awkward.

I move around the room trying to find someone I can just talk to. Nobody... Okay lets try the living room. "Hector over here!" I turn around and see Christine walking towards me. I dated her for about a month but then she dumped me saying we should just be friends. Ever since we've been pretty cool. Shes nice and all but she can get annoying sometimes.

"Oh hey Christine, whats up?" She gives me hug which is a little unexpected but I try to pull away before her boyfriend might get territorial. "Nothing much. How ya been Hector?" I nod my head, indicating 'around,' "well you know me. Just sitting at home, enjoying life." Okay maybe I shouldn't have lied about the enjoying life part but I don't want to keep talking to this chick. "You?" She looks down in her cup and says, "I think I'm pregnant with Craig's baby."

First words that come to my head, 'What the hell?' She takes a sip from her cup and avoids eye contact with me. Is she expecting me to do all the talking when shes the one who totally dropped the bomb? "Uh. I-I don't know what to say, I guess um.... When?" "Oh about 2 weeks ago. I got drunk at Marci's party and Craig was there and my boyfriend was pissing me off so when he left I kind of got you know, I don't know what you call it, careless? So me and Craig, you know..." I keep staring at her. Maybe that's why Craig wanted me to come, or maybe its so that he could see her and get some kind of a relationship going. "Does Craig know yet?" She finally looks at me and a tear trickles down her face. Oh shit. "No. I'm too scared. I don't want an abortion. I live with a foster family so parents aren't really that much of an issue. I don't want him to just be the Dad who visits his kids once every month like my dad, look I know I'm asking for a lot but I'm the one who's frickin' pregnant here! I want him to start a family with me, to be with me." I think my mouth must've dropped open. This girl is asking Craig to marry her. "Hold on let me get something straight. You want Craig to marry you?" She nods and even more tears come trickling down her cheeks. Her eyes are bloodshot and her hands seem nervous and shaky because I can see the liquid inside making ripples.

"Hector, if you could I'd like you to ask him for me. Please Hector." I didn't know what to say. It seemed so absurd. Craig marrying Christine at such a young age. Seemed like I was in a whole other world where nothing made sense anymore. I guess Craig would do what seemed right but I don't think hes ready to devote his whole entire life for them. "Like now Hector." I stare at her. Now she wants it to be done this instant? Is this chick dumb or drunk? Well obviously not drunk 'cause shes pregnant but its still a possibility. "Yeah um... Are you sure I should ask him right now?" "Yes. I just want to get it over with." "Okay so I guess follow me." I start walking towards the kitchen because usually Craig is chugging down some bear or tequila by now so most likely he'd be in there. I hope to god he isn't drunk yet or he just might say 'Yes' without actually meaning it.

I spot him on one of the kitchen tables just slowly sipping a beer and laughing about something Joe said. Joe points at us and Craig smiles and waves us over. I walk, kind of lopsidedly. I'm not sure this is a good idea. I mean they are 18 but its still young.

"Hey Hector want a beer?" I shake my head. "Alright then. Hey Christine." She nods her head and then walks over to the sink and fills up her cup with water. I take hold of Craig's arm leaning my head inwards so nobody can hear what I'm saying. "Do you remember, maybe a couple nights ago, when you had sex with Christine?" He looks at me with confusion on his face. "How the hell do you know that?" "Oh... A little bird flew by my window and told me." Once again he gives me another confused look like I was being serious.

"Okay listen up Craig. I'm gonna tell you something and you might not be too happy about it," I lean in closer. "Christine is pregnant. With your baby. Now don't say anything, let me finish... She wants you to marry her. She knows she can't take of it all by herself and she doesn't want her kid to grow up barely seeing its father."

8 months later

"Hector!! Come on in buddy!" I walk in to Craig and Christine's new place. Feels nice, smells nice, looks comfortable. They found a house about 2 blocks away from mine. Its nothing fancy but it'll do for now. "Hey Craig... Its been awhile. Like what? 3 weeks?" "Yeah something like that," Craig smiles. Christine walks out. Man she is huge. I don't understand how you girls can go through this. Carrying this tiny thing but it makes you look so big. No offense. "Hey Christine," I walk up to her and give her a hug. She hugs me back but its kind of difficult when your pregnant. She smiles and pulls my hand to her stomach. "Aw hes kicking," she smiles and I can feel the baby kicking. I smile back her. "Hector its real good to see you. I guess you kinda figured its a boy when I said 'hes kicking' huh?" I nod. A boy. Craig's going to love that. I think since me and Craig have been close I'm gonna be this kids uncle. Most likely I'd baby sit him. Craig would want to go places with him and me. I guess I'll be an uncle pretty soon.

"Babe can you get the plates at the top of the cupboard. I can't reach them," Christine says. "Yeah, sure." He grabs 4 plates and places them on the table. "Hector sit. Sit. You don't have to stand there," Christine laughs and pulls out a chair for me. She walks back into the kitchen, I turn around just in time to see Craig holding her waist. Kissing her cheek. She smiles and kisses him full on the lips. I'm glad their happy together. Christine's foster parents kicked her out and Craig's parents just wanted him out of the house even if she wasn't pregnant. They both got full time jobs and are trying to keep up with the school work. I really hope their happy together. They seem like it.

As soon as Christine puts the food on the table and everyone sits down I start to dig into the food. Then Christine slaps my hand and Craig puts his arm around her shoulders. I stare at both of them. "Am I missing something? I thought when the food is on the table you eat, did I not get the memo?" "Hector what do you notice about the table?" Christine says. I look around. Trying to figure it out. "Um.... Did you guys get new tablecloths?" Craig starts laughing and Christine smiles widely. "Yes Hector we did as a matter of fact, but there's something else that your missing... Did you notice that there are 4 plates on the table?" I look again and nod. "Want to know who were waiting for?" I stare dumbly. This is the dumbest game ever. "Um, the baby?" I say. "Well yeah but actually my sister is coming over," she smiles at Craig and he kisses her. Too much mushy mushy right now. I'm flippin' hungry. I stare at both of them, still not getting it. "So? Is she like some royal princess or something?" Christine begins to say, "Hector shes your age, and me and Craig think its time you have a girlfriend that you can actually stay with for awhile, you seem lonely, and Craig won't always be around when the baby comes, hes hardly around even now. I just thought a relationship would be good for you. So my sister was available and I thought you guys might have a lot in common, so just give it a try will you?"

I stare blankly, trying to make sense out of this. It is true that me and Craig will be spending less time as buddies but that doesn't mean I'm lonely. Just to satisfy Christine since shes so sensitive, given her state, I nod my head and set my fork and knife down and begin to wait.

"When is she coming?" I say. Irritated that this girl is keeping me from eating. Christine says, "She'll be here in a few. She said she was running late 'cause of some project or whatever." "Does she know that shes being forced to date me?" I say. Craig kind of looks away awkwardly and begins to say, "Well... Not really. You see she doesn't like dating according to Christine and shes kinda a whats the word? ...Mean, to put it nicely. She can be difficult but once you get passed that shes wonderful, a real nice girl. She doesn't know your gonna be here, so expect some sarcastic remarks and rude stares from her tonight, give her week to warm up to ya k?" I look at the clock. Great, I didn't know was being fed to this man eating chick that doesn't like dating. She probably won't like me.

Fifteen minutes passes by and still nothing. I stare at the food longingly. I am so hungry.

Knock, Knock, Knock

Craig gets up from the table and opens the door. What I don't expect is this chick, is completely.... HOT. She has really sexy looking eyes, blue with a little bit of green in them. She gives me a glance and I can just tell the realization is setting in that she was just set up, by her own sister. She pulls the chair out from next to me and pulls her coat over the chair and sits down. All lady like too. She gets the napkin and places it in her lap. Her back is standing so straight and her hands are interlocked in front of her in the table. She has pretty brunette hair that is shining in the light above the dining table. Her skin is pale. Her mouth is so damn sexy. I think I'm beginning to drool. She has on a black T-shirt that has a red rose with thorns on it. Its kinda cool looking. I try looking closer at the drawing but actually it looks like I'm staring at her uh... You know... Her boobs, that's why she glares at me and hits my face. I stumble back in my chair. Oh shit. This girl is gonna kill me. Craig of course, the real buddy he is, is cracking up. Laughing his head off and Christine just stares at Craig, indicating for him to shut up.

The girl scoots farther away from me and is sitting on the other side of the seat, the farthest she can get away from me. I can't help but notice how shes wearing dark blue skinny jeans and black converse. She doesn't wear noel polish which I dig. It bugs me when girls do that. Christine starts talking, trying to lighten the awkward vibe in the room. "Hey Jade, this is Hector. Hes a friend of Craig's. Hes your age too." She smiles. Jade... Jade... Pretty name. I like it. "What a wonderful friend you have here Craig... Perverted asshole, breathing done my neck..." She glances back at me and I try smiling, but it doesn't feel right. Craig says, "Well usually hes not like that but uh, hes a good buddy Jade. Be nice to him alright?" Jade nods, but you can tell shes still not gonna be nice to me. Christine smiles again and says, "Okay, lets eat now." I grab the spoon and plop the mashed potatoes on my plate. Christine serves me some steak and a few lettuce pieces with some kind of pink dressing on it. Man am I hungry, but I can't help but notice how Jade is looking at me, with disdain and with an utter disgusting manner. I wouldn't be surprised if she dumped her plate of food on my head.

I keep eating. Everyone is silent. Not a peep from anyone. I suppose we're all just too hungry to care about the silence, that's when Jade looks at me again and begins to say, "So Hector, do you frequently like to look at girls' boobs while your drooling, can't get a girl huh?" She smirks and takes a bite of her salad. I drop my fork on my plate, shocked by such a rude comment, you'd think a girl like her would have manners. "Excuse you, I can get any girl I want. Unlike you. What do you do? Stand out of McDonald's and wait for your Prince Charming to come waltzing out with a Big Mac and some fries, just to whisk you off your feet into his cruddy old car that smells like old socks have been thrown around in there?" I grab my fork again and eat some more. Her hand is suspended in air, stopped in motion where the piece of steak was proceeding into her mouth. She must be shocked at my come back. Actually that's probably what she does, that's why shes so damn shocked.

Christine and Craig finish their food, they still haven't talked, even after our little rude remarks. They hold hands above the table. Then Craig places his hand on her stomach and Christine puts hers over his. Jade stares at the hands, still eating her food. I do the same. I guess we're both shocked by how well they look together, so happy and content. Strange to think they were meant to be. I guess me and Jade both wish we had that. That one true love, thank god that baby has parents that are together. Although their not married yet, but soon.

When I finish my food I drink the rest of my Pepsi, still staring at their hands. Jade does the same. Craig gets up and takes the plates to the kitchen, tha'ts when Christine bounces back to reality. "How was the food?" I smile and say, "It was real good Christine, didn't know you could cook so well." Jade just smiles and nods, agreeing with my statement. Craig comes back and helps Christine out of her chair. We all stand up. Its only 10 o'clock but I feel that I should leave, this night was supposed to be a reunion after being away for such a long time but turned out to being some lame date, actually not even a date, more like a funeral. A stupid set up that didn't even go that well.

I get up from my chair and then Jade does the same. "I better get going. Its been nice seeing you guys," I say. Heading towards the door. "Oh please wait Hector. How bout you stay over the night?" Oh my god. What the hell? I don't want to know what shes thinking. "No that's okay. I don't want my mom home alone for too long." Christine frowns and Craig takes hold of her hand. "Yeah, you know I better go too Christine, mom probably wants me home early," Jade says. Christine wipes the frown off her face and lightens her expression. "Well okay you two, Hector please walk my sister out would you?" I nod and open the door for her. Jade pulls on her jacket and walks out, waving but still looking forward. "Bye now!" Christine says. I walk out the door and close it behind me. I wave to Craig through the window and he waves back, then he pulls the blinds and I feel lonely. I've haven't felt like this in such a long time.

Jade is just a few feet up ahead, so I jog lightly until I'm right next to her. Her arms are crossed, cold I'm guessing. It feels nice to me. The cool wind in my face, making my cheeks burn. Its a nice sensation you can't get anywhere else. Except from kissing. I look down. Kind of ashamed about thinking that while next to a girl. Shes gorgeous. A major beauty but she has no interest in me, hates me even.

She turns her head, checking to see if I'm there. "I never would of thought my sister would get pregnant, especially with a guy like him, but when I saw how they looked together so happy and complete, I knew I was wrong. They look so adorable together. With the baby coming soon, I might not see her for awhile. Their son is going to be one handsome little thing." She laughs lightly and I laugh with her. "Yeah I know what you mean, they really love each other though," I say. Jade nods, "I'm not sure I believe in love. Seems so impossible, something humans made up, but when I saw them I now know it is real." She smiles and looks ahead, her eyes look so mesmerizing in the light, I could stare at them for hours. Man this chick is something. It totally blows that she hates me, but the conversation is getting good. We stop at an old pick up truck. Its orange but I like old pick up trucks, very cool looking... She looks for her keys in her pocket. "So boob staring Hector, need a ride to your car?" I smile. "No that's ok. I can walk. I live right around the corner." "Oh yeah?" She says. I nod.

I need to stop being an idiot and do something. Anything... but I can't bring myself to do something. She plays with her keys. Okay think Hector... THINK for gods sake. The only thing that comes to my mind is kiss her. Before I know it were locking lips. My hands on her waist. Her hands on my head, pulling my closer. Our mouths are moving so nicely. This feels great. She steps back and looks me in the eyes. She smiles and says, "I can't believe I did that, I thought you were a jerk and.... and.... Well your cute..." She laughs. I smile and hug her to me. Close and tight. It seems like I've known her forever. Like I've been with her forever. She takes a piece of paper and a pen out of her jacket pocket and writes down her number. "Here. Call me tomorrow. We can go hang out or something." I kiss her again, running my hands down her neck, all the way to her waist. She pulls away and hops in her truck. Shes smiling at me.

When she leaves, I miss her already and so I call her. She picks up and says, "You are one lonely boy aren't you?" I smile and say, "Can't help it. When I meet a girl like you, I just can't let her drive away in an old pick up truck dreaming about her boyfriend with a Big Mac and fries, regretting she kissed some handsome guy in the street." She says, "Whoops. Too late..." I laugh and she laughs too. "Call me tomorrow okay? My parents will flip if they know I'm talking to a boy, well just being on the phone in general. I never use this thing." "Okay. Under one circumstance... I get to kiss you when ever I feel like it." I can hear her laughing on the other end, then she says, "Sure, but under one circumstance, you go out with me more than once." I smile, "Deal," I say. Then I hang up.

6 months later

I feel so revived. Alive and happy. So happy, and I thought she hated me when I first met her.

Its been six incredible months with this sexy, hot, sweet, adoring, loving, girl. I think I'm in love with her, Jade. My sweet girl. My wonderful everything.

I never thought I could actually fall in love. But here I am. My life has finally started. Instead being my dreary black and white days, my life is filled with color and life. I love Jade and I'm planning on telling her that tonight. Hopefully shes ready.


Three years later Hector and Jade married. Ever since they met their lives were changed forever. A love unlike any other. Christine and Craig lived their life happier than most teens married and they have never stopped loving each other. On September 17, 2009 little Steven was born. He was everything Christine and Craig had ever wanted. Hector and Jade visit them daily. They love little Steven as if he were their own. It seems that everyone's happy ending finally came true... :)

P.S. This story is dedicated to my dear friend Hector. I told him I usually take my friends and make them into stories so he wanted one of him. He wanted to know how I would portray him in a story. Its only a short story and I tried detailing it as best I can. I hope you enjoyed it. HAPPY EVER AFTER HECTOR!! AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T DIE IN THE STORY!! LOL. :)

August 17, 2009

Random Talking...

I am a psychotic lunatic aren't I? Please to god don't answer that... Everyone has their fair shares of being hurt, depressed, sad, emotional ALL THE TIME. Like a 24/7 depression phase. Well I'm in it. Fantastic right?

Have you ever been jealous but your too afraid to admit because either you don't want to seem like the over bearing girlfriend or the bad friend who's not worthy of being the BFF. Theres countless reasons for why you might not want to admit. I always thought jealous mean't that you wanted to be that person. Like you wish you were that person. But really thats just ONE version of being jealous.. >.<>.<>.< I should just go steal my friends who has one apparently but doesn't use it. or my uncles. His guitar is apparently just for show. MAN. :/

OMG! Love this song: Island by The Starting Line... Ahhh... Such a gorgeous song. I love the voice, the music, the lyrics... Man just so pretty. "Just keep a hold on me, Dont let go, If float away, If you float away, Waiting too long for a ship to come, Don't you float away, Don't you float away... " COME ON PEOPLE LISTEN TO ALL MY MUSIC! ITs DA BOMB!

WOO! Sabotage by The Beastie Boys... :] yeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhh.... :P

:] Ooooo la la Face Down (acoustic version) by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus... "Do you feel like a man when you push her around, Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground, well I'll tell you my friend, One day this worlds gotta end, As the your lives crumble down, A new life she has found.. Face down in the dirt, she said this doesnt hurt, i've finally had enough.."

Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin! I have got to thank Jakez for finding them on youtube!! They are so AWESOME. All he did was search "Inevitable" and they came up. Thank you Jakez!!

YESSSSSSSSSS.... Fake It by Seether!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D finally an angry song!! ....I suggest the clean version just in case your parents might walk through the door and you have it on full blast. it says the F word so you have been warned. O.O

I am going to go now since I'm going to watch The Time Traveler's Wife with my mother. :] Hopefully its good!! I really like Rachel McAdams!!! Shes so pretty! Well toodle doo oh weird ones!

August 14, 2009

Chapter 4

I can't believe its already Friday. The day of the dreadful, yet quite exciting I must admit, pool party. After three days of humiliation and name calling of "Freak!" and "Retard!" we have finally come to this one remarkable moment. Though they have good reason to call me those names because who has ever heard of a healthy, average, seventeen year old girl getting hit by the most softest verb ball known to mankind and getting knocked out. So really I don't blame them. Though I seem to be quite popular because of the name calling which is making me uneasy since I'm always in the background. Hiding in the corner with my black hoodie and iPod on full blast.

I generally tend to always wear my black hoodie, dark blue jeans, converse, and my hair up in a pony tail, but right now I'm thinking opposite. Should I shock them with a dazzling green, bareback dress my mom bought for me ahead of time for my graduation with my close toed white heals that are totally gorgeous. Or should I wear my mini skirt that my grandma bought saying, "I saw these in Macy's and well... just live a little Steph," and winking at me with such a mischievous smile I don't want to know what she was thinking, with my halter top and some cute sandals. There are so many choices in so little time. I have no clue what I'm going to wear because really this night can go so many ways.

After a good fifteen minutes of meditating on which outfit to wear while sitting yoga style and closing my eyes in front of my closet, I have come to the conclusion! I will.... BE NORMAL, but not completely normal. I shall spice it up with my awesome skills of outfit picking. I put on my dark blue skinny jeans that amazingly good on me considering how skinny I am. Then I get my bright green long sleeve shirt and a white cammy to go under. Instead of my usual black hoodie, I take my light blue zip up jacket... Which has a hoodie... Also I wear my bright green converse to tie it all in and BAM! There we go baby! Total awesome-ness!

Phone... Check. Outfit... Check. Money... Check. House keys... Check. Hair... Nope. I run over to the bathroom. I check my hair real quick and find that a whole patch of hair is tangled in a knot. I sigh loudly and make annoyed noises while trying to find the brush. Where is the brush? ...Can't find brush... "Mom!" Then there's complete silence in the house and not even one little peep from my mother. Where is she? Great. First I lose the brush, now her too. I head out an a search for my mother around the house but come up empty. Oh god, I can't deal with this now. I check my phone to find that Tony will be here in less than ten minutes. So instead of bothering with my hair I pull my hoodie over my head. I check to make sure everything is perfect in the hall mirror. Any second Tony is going to pop through that door taking me to a pool party. Any minute now...

(15 minutes later)

Here I am gaping at the clock in complete horror because most likely he forgot. I am sitting on the couch, too nervous to put the T.V. on. So instead I have the great opportunity of staring at a lonely clock (Or is it just me that's lonely?) waiting for a pathetic looser who stalks me and made a big deal in P.E. about knowing my name. Like he was under some kind of... Incantation and was so compelled to... Kiss me... Why would someone popular want to kiss me? Why Tony of all people? Also the way Ricky seemed to be enjoying every minute of it didn't seem all that normal either.
Knock, Knock, Knock.
OK, relax Steph. Its just a really dumb pool party for poor pathetic popular kids who mostly spend their lives partying and getting drunk and partying some more. Its only Tony. A freaky dude who likes you and needs a life. OK Steph.. See?

Just as I get relaxed and chill and have this sort of this-is-dumb look on my face I open the door to find Ricky right in front me and all that worry seems to come back. Jesus hes gonna make fun of me the whole way there. Then I really look at him and he has these khaki shorts on with a blue short sleeve over his white long sleeve and it makes him look, dare I say it, kinda cute. Though his hair is perfect, sticking up in all the right places. I don't even notice that hes wearing black converse til' he leads me to the car door while opening it for me while I hop in, not even saying one word of why hes here and Tony's not.

I'm kind of skeptical if I should ask him why hes here. Not to be rude but Tony was supposed to pick me up in the first place. He gets in the drivers seat with an annoyed look in his eyes. He turns the radio blasting it on full volume and when I hear the song being played I start to hysterically laugh while he starts fumbling with the stations. He turns the volume back down and I notice the smallest flicker of violet in his eyes. I blink real fast, trying to decipher if I saw correctly. He looks at me and says, "What? Who doesn't like Hot N' Cold by Katy Perry? Its got a really sick beat." I can't figure out if hes just kidding or if hes completely serious. So when he turns the station to I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) by Pitbull I just assume he was serious. So I stop laughing and try my hardest not smiling so mockingly. I focus my gaze on the trees passing me outside the window. Then the song sings, "Mami got an ass like a donkey, with a monkey, Look like King Kong," I start to really laugh to where my eyes are crying and bawling to where I can't stand it. I start slapping my knees and trying to wipe the tears. I can't believe how ridiculous these hip hop/rap songs are. Ricky just keeps driving, ignoring my laughter. He must really like this music. He gives me a rude look and says, "Knock it off. Its a good song." I smirk. A good song? My buttocks, that song is not good. When he looks at me i see his eyes are violet again and he starts laughing too and hes crying as much as me and soon as I thought he was actually liking me his eyes turned back to its blue and he just stopped. He seems so completely annoyed with me again. I really don't understand him. Hes got some serious problems but his eyes... I was so sure they were violet.

"K well here we are. Get out of my car freak." I jump out so confused and baffled. I can't believe this guy. I look at the house and I start to proceed to the front door when he yells at me and says, "How 'bout we try the gate huh? That leads to the pool... Get my logic?" I stare at him. "That is rude. Where are your manners? Stop acting like the biggest jerk on the planet and get your ass over here and be a god damn gentleman. Get my logic?" the violet comes back and his eyes look so amused and his mouth forms such a shiny, white grin that says so much and in a flicker its gone and hes standing next to me saying something unintelligible under his breath while frowning and all the while his blue eyes gazing at his car. So I knock on the door, and sure enough a short blond girl with a jean mini skirt, and her bikini top, answers the door and smiles. She waves us through and tells us soda is in the kitchen and the pool is in the backyard where we'll probably find everyone. Well duh the pool is in the backyard. Would it be on the side of the house? Jeez she takes me as a dumb chick. Thanks lots Blondy.

As Ricky and me proceed to the backyard, me taking glances around the house that is pretty nice actually. When we reach the backyard he totally ditches me running for the boys near the hot tub. He just takes his shirt off and shoes and jumps right in, splashing everyone in the hot tub. I look around, feeling completely useless and stupid for even coming. I don't even know anybody.

When I spot Tony in the corner of the pool laughing with a bunch of his "buddies" I decide to walk over towards him and ask why he didn't pick me up. Then these prissy little foo foo blond girls. All wearing the same frilly bikini except with different colors start walking towards me, whispering and smiling while inspecting me from head to toe. When I turn around, I see brunettes wearing the same bikini as each other also wearing different colors and doing the exact same thing as the blonds. That's when I really start to freak out. I start walking faster, hoping they might move considering my rush, but they don't seem to be wavering or concerned about any rush I might be in.

They keep coming at me with their heals still on and that only makes me question, 'who wear's a bikini with heals on?'

When I finally confront the blonds they continue staring and smiling and whispering. I feel so self conscience. The leader of the blonds, or who I'm assuming is the leader, with her pink bikini and white heals proceeds toward me even closer. Her face is so close to mine, but her eyes are so accusing I feel like cowering in the bush next to me, and let me tell you, I'm really considering it. She smirks when she notices how I keep longing to jump in that bush. Then she says, "You need a new look. This long sleeve thing and jeans and converse and this horrible hoodie is so not going to happen. Lose it. All of it. Come on you need a serious make over girl." When she smiles encouragingly and leads my back towards the house I feel welcome. By a slinky blond... Still better than nothing. As they lead me to the bedroom upstairs they close the door and lock it. Three of them start rummaging through the closet looking for God knows what. the leader seats me down in front of mirror on a white swivel chair. She rips off my hoodie and I hear seven amazed gasps all around me. The leader says, "Oh... My... God... You seriously need a major make over. My name is Briley by the way. This is Bianca, Veronica, Chrystal, Shayla, Kathryne, and Rachel." I nod. Theres no way I can remember all these names, remember later, make over now. Oh god. I hope I don't turn out to look like them.

Briley smiles at me and says, "You are gonna look amazing, trust me." She turns my face away from the mirror. "No peeking," she winks at me and holds her grin.

Here it goes. She takes the brush and starts stroking my hair until it gets to the knot and its an all out wrestle with my hair. I cringe in pain. This is not what I wanted.

When shes done she starts panting softly and I try smiling but she seems too annoyed to care. When she asks for the mascara everyone hovers over me and I get all nervous and sweaty again. "OK who ever you are... I don't even know your name and I'm doing you a huge favor. You so owe me. Now close your eyes," Briley says in a whisper. I close my eyes and I start to drift. Is this the beginning or is it the end of a seventeen year old girls life? I'd like to think it just started, but who knows? So I dream of a life where I can just be me without girls like Briley over concerned about my hair and what I'm wearing. For gods sake can't I just be Stephanie?

August 11, 2009

The Tide by The Spill Canvas


And there's three, count 'em three

Children playing on the beach

They were eager to learn,

To be taught and to teach

There's Veronica

She's biting her lip

As she watches the waves turn white at the tip

And there's Vada

Radiating with joy

And luckily she still can't stand the sight of a boy

And lastly there's Dade

His hair dances in the wind

And he's wondering what love is

And why it has to end

And he can't understand

How everyone goes on breathing when true love ends

His mother whispers quietly...

Heaven's not a place that you go when you die

It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive

So live for the moment

And take this advice, live by every word

Love is just a hoax so forget anything that you have heard

And live for the moment now

And there's three, count 'em three

Children growing on the beach

They were eager to learn,

To be taught and to teach

There's Veronica

She's licking her lips

As she waits for her real, first passionate kiss

And there's Vada

She can't admit her jealousy

Of her sister Veronica, and how she's so pretty (and how she's so pretty)

Lastly there's Dade

Still sitting on the dock

Ponders his life, and he skips his rocks

And he wonders when his father will return

But he's not coming back

And he can't understand

How everyone goes on breathing when true love ends

His mother whispers quietly...

Heaven's not a place that you go when you die

It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive

So live for the moment

And take this advice, live by every word

Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard (forget everything)

And there's three, count 'em three

Children missing from the beach

They were eager to learn,

To be taught and to teach

But the sad thing

Is that they never lived passed the age of fifteen

Due to neglect from their mother

Who was bed ridden by her ex-lover, their father

She didn't even notice, or pay much attention

As the tide came in and swept her three into the ocean

Now all her advice, it seems useless

No, heaven's not a place that you go when you die

It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive

So live for the moment

And take this advice, live by every word

Love's completely real, so forget anything that you have heard

And live for the moment now

This song is so amazing. Beautiful in every way. The guitar and the voice and everything. The story line is very much like what happens now-a-days. I couldn't help but start tearing up when I listened to it. I know pathetic right? But books and music always have some kind of effect on me... Its like when I read a good book everything is just... Silent, quiet, and then I get overwhelmed. All the things that happened and the drama and the shock and just practically everything and I get that nervous feeling in my heart that is screaming one word "WOW!" In music I listen to it and close my eyes. I always try listening to the lyrics first because listening to a song just because you like the beat is pretty lame. Sorry to those of you who do that! As I was saying... I listen to the lyrics and then I replay it again if I like it and then I allow the instruments to play also instead of drowning them out like before. So then you get the whole thing and it makes one beautiful cohesive rhythm.

Weird huh? If you don't do that I suggest you should because it really changes things... Makes you more wise? Mature? I don't know how to explain it. It just... I don't know. It will make sense when you try it. Find the meaning in the depth of everything and I don't just mean music and books, I mean everything. When the sun is blinding your eyes when you wake up in the morning, think about how beautiful it is. How bright and warm its touch on your skin can be. How if it wasn't there you wouldn't exist and if you didn't exist what would the world be like. If you see a shooting star, think about what your wishing for and if its really worth that shooting star to wish for. When you see your family all together think about how happy they look, and if they don't look happy think about why their not happy. Think about what happened and try making it better. If your pet scratches you for gods sake think about why it scratched you! How you could've handled it better to where you couldn't have been scratched in the first place. There are so many things to think about so if your brain dead then I've got nothing for you. :P Just try it. Its quite... Different... :]

August 10, 2009

Life Sucks

I just got back from Yosemite and well... To put it simply before I left I told my Best Friend that we weren't that close anymore because... I haven't really told her how much has happened over the summer and I don't want to seem selfish because she always makes it to a point where when I try saying something she'll be like "We weren't talking about you, we were talking about (insert name)... Anyways going on..." And blah blah blah. So I just shut up and don't say anything because when I try saying something that will let it seem casual if I tell her something she just tells me... Doesn't exactly tell me but I get the vibe from her to stop. So I don't bother. Why bother her if shes not gonna want to listen...? So I told her we weren't that close anymore. Implying that we probably need space because why bother with a messed up girl like me?

Then I layed down on my bed and I just decided that I was gonna tell her EVERYTHING. Just everything thats on my mind and that I care about her and love her like a sister still and shes still my BFF in my eyes but when I got on the computer hoping that she'd be online she has like this note thing on facebook. You know those notes where they answer questions.. Well it had something to do with your cell phone and 'Who's the third person in camera?' And it turned out to be her other friend who I say shes getting close to. More close than me... And I just lost it. I didn't feel like I should tell her everything... I mean shes moving on so fast and I figured she'd linger, maybe just be a tad sad about it but it turns out that she isn't... I told her 'See yeah!' and in re-turn for wanting our close friendship back I get a 'I moved on loser! See you at school sometime! bye!' ....There was more but not one thing in those 'notes' was me... I used to text her all the time. Tell her the most intimate things in my life. She was like my extended family, except I never told her that and its obviously too late now... I guess I just have to move on also but I can't help but feel depressed and upset about it.

I am such an idiot... Hopefully this school year just might let me have her back but I doubt it.. Things change... I still wish they wouldn't...

If your reading this right now "BFF"... I hope you know that I love you and your always gonna be that BFF I let go with out giving it a real shot... RAWR. :] .... :[

August 6, 2009

Late Night Inspirations

I was thinking about how Jake always likes to contradict what I say. Everything I say he just needs to say the other point of view. It really gets me thinking and I really appreciate it. Thank you Jakez! Luv ya buddy!

So here I am sitting in my room... Or rather laying/lying on my bed. The fan is going back and forth on my sister. Of course... Pretty, pretty princess needs to be treated extra special while her sister is roasting like a frickin fried chicken over here. The window is open but I'm on the other side of the window. So she gets the window, the fan, and two book shelves (I don't really care 'bout the book shelves) and I'm stuck in the cat pee corner where my cat named Kitty (yes her name is kitty. My family isn't too good with the imagination of pet names, thank god my name is not Girl yet Jewish boys are named Guy... Thank god I'm not Jewish...) likes to pee ever since she was tiny little thing that could fit under the couch. Now shes too fat to where she cant even put her pinky under the couch... I weighed her last year... She was 15 pounds but I love the little darling. Shes got such a personality and spunk for a cat. She has attitude... My family likes to think shes just like me which makes me her adoptive parent. Fun right? No, not fun... Although all I do is pet and kiss her and tell how wonderful she is and I feed her... Occasionally. You might wonder how if shes so fat and I don't feed her much is possible but lets say her adoptive Grandma is very good about the idea of "A full stomach." Shes cute and her cheeks are puffy and chunky. Shes really a doll. Just a wonderful thing. I love it when her pupils go big and she looks like a cute little kitten whose a tad over-sized. Just a TAD. :] I got her in first grade and I brought her to my show-and-tell one time where she started sucking on my giant stuffed horse because she thought it was her mom... Poor thing... So I could never bring my stuffed animal out. So it remained in the garage and actually a few weeks ago my dad took the stuffed horse to Goodwill. Who ever thought of Goodwill is a genius because who wouldn't want a stuffed horse that was sucked on by a sad, depressed kitten who misses her real Mama. Exactly. I know I would. :D .....I was just kidding by the way....

If I were to explain my room I would tell you it is a tornadoe... I know everyone says this because us humans are not very functional about organization so I guess this is typical. Especially since I'm a teen, normal right? So lets see, to my right is an In-N-Out cup and a can of Root Beer and some papers and a lamp that are situated on top of mine and my sisters Crate and Barrel lamp stand. Wonderful huh? Expensive furniture but we clutter it with our junk. I like to think were updating it to 21st century because really? Who would clean their night stand when they have to worry about keeping their job and house and all that good stuff? Right? Yet I have a feeling I'm wrong. You people who constantly clean their night stands are burdens for me because I'm trying to make a point about how I am a normal American but all you do is make me look bad! Thanks guys! THANKS. :/

To my left is my beautiful bookshelf... With all my wonderful books. Man I love my books. They make me glow. Hehe. They are so gorgeous with their silky smooth covers. Its a wonderful feeling knowing every story to each book. Its like I am a woman of knowledge. Mrs. Knowledge woman. :] Oh and theres also another lamp, but the books are more important. I have so many wonderful books. If there was a fire I would take those babies and my phone. Everything and everybody else can just deal, I want to live and I want my posessions in PERFECT condition. Not a mark on them. At all! O.o ....I'm just kidding... But I would grab my most favorite books if we had enough time.

Have you ever just put on music and just stared at everything around you in the middle of the night? If not, then try it. Its a remarkable feeling. Everything is so in sync and calm and you start to think and wonder and hope and love and yet you feel so content. So happy. On some occasions it might make you cry because it can get overwhelming, or is that just me? I hope I'm not the only one... Man I am aren't I? ...Perfect. Another thing I'm considered a freak for. Lovely. Well I better get to bed. Even though I'm only a little tired and I bet my sis can't sleep 'cause of the key boards tapping away so I might as well be nice... I guess. Goodnight everyone! And happy my-life-sucks day! :D YAY!

August 5, 2009

How My Day Was Today...

I don't feel like writing another chapter right now... I'd rather talk about my day because it was extremely WEIRD... Kind of. I don't know. Lets start off with earlier in the day.

Around 12 o'clock my mom took me to my ortho. So it was pretty boring as always and then the lady had to do impressions on the top and bottom of the teeth. I HATE THEM. Especially when they do the top 'cause you can't breathe through your mouth and you start panicking and trying to breathe through your nose. Even for me its really nerve racking. I'm usually calm and can take the freaking out and the pain in silence but this time I was thinking so many stuff. So many things going through my head... 'What if the lady couldn't get it out? What if it was permanently stuck there? I can't breathe! I'm going to suffocate.' I practically like threw it up because it was so close to the back of my throat every time. God I just hate them... The weird part is theres this guy at school that goes to same ortho as me and his face was up on the wall RIGHT in front of me. The only thing I could see was his face, smiling at me. It was creepy. It was either look at him or stare at the ceiling... I decided to stare at the ceiling.

After ortho I argue with my older brother, nothing new. I read my book for a good 30 minutes and finished it. It was extremely sad. Made me bawl my eyes out. If you want to be all emotional read: A Rose For Melinda by Lurlene McDaniel. Lurlene's books are extrememly sentimental. Its not possible to not cry for every one of her books. They just really make you so... Sad and depressed yet they leave you with hope and they make you think about the world right now, and what people are going through. Its good. I like her a lot. Try reading them. For me. With a cherry on top...(stupid line, I know)

After all that and yelling at my brother again so that he can get me dinner I went to a jewelry party/show with my mom at her friends house. Guess who I saw? The mother to the boy whose face was plastered right in front of me in the X-ray room. Lovely isn't it? Also completely strange. The whole time I was looking at her waiting for her son to pop up out of no where and then I'd start imagining him with his smiling face. I'm so glad I stared at the ceiling....

We ended up not getting any jewelry and the party was extremely dull... But another thing happened that puzzled me... It was about yesterday and my BFF was telling me how I should get in shape and start track again. (Not that I'm fat... Just lazy...) I told her I didn't want to do it for my own reasons. Well when I was there one of the track moms whose daughter was my on the track team with me said, "You better start getting in shape for track. Holly(another girl on the track team) is moving to Australia and we need another girl." First thing that popped in my head was, 'Holly please to god don't go to Australia. PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU.' Then I must've seemed kind of held back about it so my mom stepped in and started gabbering on about random stuff. You see doing track is a lot more to me than you think. You might just think its a fun sport to just hang out and run around with friends but to me theres more to it. Too long to explain my reasoning... Now it seems like everyone wants me to start track again and I dont want to... Things happened and things change and I see that track isn't going to do anything for anyone. Or even myself. Sure it might make me healthy but its not my ideal dream. I'm not even that fast. I'm slow now. :P BLAH. Its just... Complicated...

When I got out of the house I felt like I was breathing for the first time. I started to relax but the tension of just a stupid sport like track got me so... I don't know. I'm in a certain mode when I do track... Now the only thing I need to find out is, do I try Track again or not? Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. :/ Hope your day was fun and a lot more exciting. Take care everyone! Send me comments and pictures too! If you want to know what I mean by pictures either look on my blog post about Steph or Ricky. Thanks! Toodle-doo! Oh and Sweet dreams!

August 2, 2009

Picture of Ricky

Ok this everyone is Ricky Evan... I think his last name is Evan... Wow I don't even remember the names of my own characters... Anyways... Hes one handsome guy. (sexy, hot, cute) I don't like using the words sexy or hot. Its just not right. Don't mind the blue "shirt." Lol. Just pretend it was a poorly made "shirt" but look he still looks good in it. (I made the "shirt" by the way) I think he pulls the look off pretty well... The reason I did that was because Mr. MuscleMan was showing his muscles. I didn't think it was appropriate to put on my blog, hence the "shirt." :] So lets start off with his looks... His eyes are totally gorgeous. (I hope he doesn't mind that I referred to his eyes as gorgeous) His blonde hair is prefect. He looks like an all American boy but with a touch of something foreign. Something from like Europe... I think. I don't know! The necklace is a nice touch. God he is just perfect for the part. Hope you like him too! If boys are reading this then excuse my gushing emotions over this boy. He is wonderful. :] Take care!

July 30, 2009

Picture of Stephanie

This is a picture of Stephanie. I'm the type of person who needs a visual for my stories. This girl is absolutely gorgeous. Her eyes totally made me think of my character. I usually always go for the emo/scene girls because they sometimes have attitude when they take pictures. Trust me, that's a good thing. Especially for me. Man this girl is just perfect. You can see the innocence in her but deep down inside you know somethings going on. I love it! Her hair too! :D I'm so glad I found her and now I should go change my description of her in my first chapter. Anyways I decided to do something different... Sometimes I get a little tense while writing the same story so then I start writing other stories... So I've decided to let you guys send me pictures and I'll write a story about it. Or I can just find pictures and write a story about it. Either one but I'd rather have you guys send me some because it will make it more fun and I think you'd probably be proud knowing that you picked that picture for my blog. Haha. :] Please leave comments ... And pictures!! :]

July 14, 2009

Chapter 3

"Aw shiitake mushrooms..."

I sit up and put my head in my hands and find Ricky staring down at me with a worried expression. "Are you okay?" he says. I didn't know what to say. I was okay but then I wasn't okay at the same time. "Are you okay?" he repeats.

He puts his hand gently on my back like if it wasn't there my back would magically collapse and I'd be paralyzed. "Get your hands off my back before I scream bloody murder," I say. My voice was kinda croaky but he still knew what I said and took his hand off my back. He smirks and says, "Well somebody woke up on the wrong side of the court." I look up at him and say, "HA. HA. Your so funny Ricky. You should go to a comedy show where the only people who will probably laugh at your jokes are the eighty year old people because they can't hear you." I hear a couple people behind me snicker and laugh. Ricky just smiles and says, "Good one miss high and mighty who thinks shes better than everyone. I think that person who threw the ball at your head had good reason to, considering your snooty attitude and bratty expressions." Now that made me crack a smile just a tad because of my hood nobody can even see my expressions which means either he must be really close to my face or.... Hes a spy. I'd rather him be a spy.

"Just back off," I say aggravated. He puts his hand out. "Come on you need help getting up, just take it and I will never speak of it again." I reluctantly took his hand and as soon as I got up I could definitely feel that woozy-I'm-going-to-throw-up feeling. He lets me grab on to his arm so that I can't fall over. He tries propping me up but everything is spinning and my mind is in a whole other world. I don't know what I'm doing. Then all of a sudden I black out. Again.
"Hello? Miss? Wake up." I hear a voice outside of my head. Is someone trying to talk to me? I turn over to my other side and find that its too much effort considering my whole body is sore. "Hello? You awake?" I open my eyes real quick and this light bulb is literally right above me. Jesus, can someone get that thing away from me? "Move the light bulb," I say while covering my eyes with my forearm. "Okay dear." The lady moves the light bulb towards the door directly opposite of my eyes. Good.

"So how are we feeling?" the lady has some kind of accent and is wearing a plain purple shirt with jeans and white tennis shoes. Her hair is short and extremely curly. The curls keep bouncing as she moves her head around. She has dark brown eyes that show warmth and motherhood. Someone like this almost makes me have hope that there are people out there with hearts and understanding. Even if the world is coming to a complete end. Considering the global warming, extinction of animals, lack of food for poor, little provisions and protection for those around us, and people who are losing their houses. Yet here is this woman with kind eyes and an inviting smile that lets you know everything is going to be okay. No wonder they hired her for this job. For retards like me to feel comforted when they wake up from an embarrassing black out from a stupid verb ball. How is that even possible to black out from that?

I try grabbing on to the sides of the chair/bed thing to push my body up so then I can sit but I feel like a total weakling. "Need help?" the woman says. I nod and she comes to grab my arms while I'm trying to push the momentum of my body upwards. After about a humiliating five minutes of me pushing my body and her pulling my arms forward I finally sit up on the chair. The woman pants slightly and tries to act like I was some feather. Believe me I am no feather.

"Put your arm out deary. I need to give you this shot so that the medicine can help the pain in your head," the woman says as shes filling the needle with some clear liquid. I know I should know what that liquid is called considering we did a whole unit on needles and stuff that prevents pain and junk.

She kind of wipes my arm with a cloth that has something on it and is prepared to stick me with this deadly utensil... All of a sudden I have this flashback of how when I was a kid we had to get shots before we were allowed in school. When the doctor came in all smiley and cheery I thought he was gonna be his nice old self and give me a lollipop or balloon and take my height and weight, the normal stuff. When he popped out this killer needle I screamed. The kids outside the door and mothers were panicking thinking I was probably being murdered. My mother rushed to my side and covered my mouth with her hands. I specifically remember her having fake red nails on because they were digging into my cheek. The doctor, kind of startled, took my arm. As he was about to inject that poisonous (it is poisonous when your a child) into me I jerked my arm away and shot landed right on the chair. It was sticking up and it took three people to get it out. I was crying the whole time. Then the doctor, kind of irritated, faking his smile, took my arm firmly and put it in me. That's when I knew that if I ever again came close to a needle I would be traumatized for the rest of my life and now here is this lady about to put the shot in me and its freaking me out.

I stare at the ceiling, counting sheep. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.... Then it was over. The woman stands over my face and says, "All done. I'm Claudia by the way. Never formally introduced myself. Shame on me. Here take this." She hands me a green lollipop. "I know how young people love candy. Even you older ones. Enjoy. Oh and you can leave now. Your mother is waiting for you." "Thank you Claudia," I say with as much sincerity as possible.

Claudia was a nice woman but the needle thing still creeps me out. I check my arm and find a smiley face band aid. I love it. Its very cute and adorable. I don't care if I'm in high school, it looks fabulous.

"Oh my god Stephanie. I can't believe you. You... You..." I smile. My mom has no words what so ever. "Mom... Don't ruin the moment. I'm tired. I just got bashed on the head and blacked out twice and took a shot from a woman named Claudia whose sweet and gave me a smiley face band aid... Don't ruin this moment." As I keep walking my mother walks behind me in silence. I hop in the car and put on my seat belt. I see my backpack is already in the backseat. When my mom finally gets in the car she says, "Stephanie I was worried about you. Don't you ever do that again." "It wasn't my fault mom," I say irritated. I don't have magical powers that can make a flippin verb ball hurl at my head. She smiles and says, "Its always your fault. No matter what." I haven't heard her say that in a long time. So I smile back.

July 11, 2009

Chapter 2

"Hey Ricky! You wanna come to the pool party on Friday?" That's the first thing I hear everyday when I walk through the school doors. I am late so its pretty empty right now but no matter what I always here Tony Walker asking Ricky Evan to go to some party on Friday. You'd think after how many times Tony keeps asking Ricky he'd learn that Ricky hates going to parties. Ricky even plain out said, "I don't like parties dude. Stop asking." Yet poor naive Tony keeps asking.

I guess Tony won't just let it go so he says, "Dude come on. Just one time. It'll be cool. No alcohol or drugs or anything. Just a couple of boys and girls hanging out and talking. Totally chill Ricky." Ricky gives him one of those will-you-just-back-off-you-freaking-jerk looks. I'm so good at telling what kind of looks people are giving to people. "Dude just once," Tony pleads. Ricky turns around and he spots me down the corridor. I swallow hard and stare at the floor acting like I saw nothing. "I'll go if you can get her to go," Rocky points at me. NO. I don't want to go. Never in a million years will I ever go. Tony rolls his eyes and says, "Dude are you serious? Her? Nobody even knows her to begin with. Even I don't know her." Ouch. Now that hurt but I don't take it personal because that's a good thing nobody notices me. I wanted to be invisible so I got it. All is good. Ricky smiles widely and says, "Either you get her to go or there's no way in heck I'm going to that party." I keep walking towards my locker so then I can drop my books off. Dang it. That means I have to pass them. Man!

Tony sighs and walks towards me. I keep staring at the floor. No eye contact. No eye contact. No eye contact. Look away. Don't you dare look at him. Don't you dare Stephanie. "Hey," Tony says as his hands are in his front pockets rummaging for something and I do exactly what I've been trying not to do, I look him straight in the eyes.

I ignore him again and just keep walking. "Don't ignore me. I know you heard me. The least you could do is say hi back or something," he says kind of with an annoyed and irritated tone. "Hi," I say irritated. I don't mind saying hi but that's all hes getting. "I was wondering if you'd want to go to a pool party this Friday?" I finally reach my locker and I unlock it in two seconds. Shoot, I'm going to be SO late for class if he keeps this trying to talk to me thing. I throw my books in the back and grab my science book and a couple pens and pencils and shove them in the front pocket of my bag. All the while Tony is leaning against the locker next to me and is waiting for my reply to his question. "So do you want to come?" I pull my backpack onto my shoulders and slam my locker which is supposed to indicate that he needs to leave me alone. See... Annoying people like I said. Invading my very precious space.

I turn towards where my class is and start walking towards the door. "Wait!" He grabs my fore arm and pulls me so that I have to face him.

He looks worried, almost like a lost puppy that needs to find its way home. He has deep blue eyes that would make other California girls fall head over heels but not me. I'm used to those blue eyes from my brother. I am absolutely immune to their freaky powers. "You never answered my question," he says so quietly I can barely hear it. He lets go of me and runs his hand through his curly brown hair. I think I've ignored him enough. Maybe a party would be good for me. My mother is always telling me to get out of the house and to hang out with friends. The problem is I don't have any friends and I don't want any. "Um. Sure, I guess," I finally say. He says, "I'll pick you up at 6:00. Bring a bathing suit if you want but nobodies forcing you. Whats your address?" I pull out a pen and rip out a corner of the page out of my notebook and jot down my address. "There," I say. He takes the paper and puts it in his pocket, "Do you mind maybe telling Ricky that your going? You see he..." I cut him off and say, "Yeah I know. I was standing right there when everything was going on. I guess I'm really that invisible. Thanks for caring so much about me you jerk." I was so mad. I mean he was getting way out of line with the 'Nobody even knows her.' Don't tell the whole freaking world I'm a loner! OK relax Steph, relax. "Well sorry. Its just that you don't have any friends. You don't hang out with anybody or anything. How come all of sudden you want to hang out with people? I was pretty sure you'd say 'no' but you surprised me by saying 'yes'. Or 'sure' rather." What does it even matter to him? Instead of answering his question I turn my back to him and walk straight to class.
Never mind. Evasive maneuver. I turn towards my second period class instead. "Wait! Hold on! Does anybody know that girls name? Hey, stop!" The crowd is pushing and shoving trying to get to their next class. Tony keeps trying to yell for my attention but I just keep on walking. The crowd is thick and the smells are making me sick and dizzy. Jeez every single girl is wearing some new found perfume. They probably say they imported it from Europe online to make it seem like their cool. Or they made their own perfume that nobody else has that smells like burnt rubber and glue. All the guys just plain out stink this place up. All their sweaty dirty bodies squishing up against me like I'm invisible. As usual. That's one of the things about being invisible that sucks. "Wait! Tell that girl to stop!" Tony keeps yelling for me. There's no way he'll catch me in this crowd. The door to my next classroom is coming up. I duck my head and walk like I'm bowing to some idol all the way to the door so Tony doesn't see me and try following me into my class. Once I get inside I close the door and take my usual spot in the far corner of the room. Some eyes wander towards me but mostly everyone is just staring at the white board.

I sit down in my seat and start taking out my science book and a notebook and a couple pens from the front pocket of my backpack. Now I am set for some peace and quiet. I'm so thankful that I don't have any classes with Tony. I have one with Ricky next period so I'll probably tell him that I'm going to the party then.

The teacher walks in through the door and rushes into the front of the classroom. A couple kids are missing but were pretty much packed. "Sorry I'm late class. Everyone lets get out your science book and notebook. Mr. James take your feet off of the desk." She lowers her head so that her eyes are peeking out from above her glasses at Joe or Mr. James as she likes to call him. Gosh you gotta admire teachers like her. All stern and such and straight to the point. I wonder if she was like this when she was younger... The eighth wonder of the world.

She writes on the board, 'Homework: Cells, Blood, Cell walls, Nucleus, Heart, Lungs, Epiglottis, Nose, Eyes, Fingers, Bones, Knee, Elbow, Muscles, Arm, Leg, Hips, Skin, Veins, Arteries, Liver, Kidney, Stomach, Small and Large Intestine, Gallbladder and 2 more body parts must be written with a definition and their function. I also want a 5 page report on some new events happening.' Oh my goodness gosh that is a lot. Holy guacamole. Sometimes you just gotta hate teachers like her. Admire and hate, two key emotions to have with annoying teachers. Oh god... Too much homework. I write it down in my notebook real quick.

For a whole 40 minutes she lectures us about the food pyramid and what each food does for our body. This is one boring lecture if you ask me. I check to make sure my hood is still on. Yup it is. Good. I prop my elbow on the desk and let my hand hold my head while it rests on my cheek in one of those I'm-so-bored poses. I shut my eyes and start imagining what the pool party will be like. All the girls in tiny pink bikinis showing off their figures and flaunting it in all the boys' faces like its on sell. I can imagine all the boys with their mouths wide open and eyes wide with wonder while drinking some cheap alcohol that they probably got from Rite Aide. Jeez. Boys.. I can imagine a tiny little blond girl with blue eyes going wild and shes swimming in the pool inviting everyone to come and join so it can get the party started. I don't want to go to a pool party like how I'm imagining it. I hope to god it won't be like that.
Yes! Third period P.E. here I come. I'm not exactly the most coordinated person in the world but I'm not the worst either. I'm... Average.

I spot Ricky walking towards the guys locker room with his backpack in his hand and he is walking extremely slow. Should I tell him I'm going to the party now? ....No. I'll wait til' we get in roll call. I rush inside the girls locker and head towards my little dark corner of the room. Jeez it smells like foo foo flower perfume and coconut oil crap. My poor nose is not used to these strong smells. Oh man I have a headache. Dang it!

I dress in like 2 minutes and all the girls are still chatting away not even bothering to pick up their P.E. uniforms yet. Idiots. I check myself in the mirror and pull the hood over my head. Hood, check. Hair, check. Clothes, check. Shoes, check. OK I'm ready for P.E.

Pushing through the door, I run into some chick whose talking like shes on fast forward. She looks me up and down and whispers something to the girl next to her and they both stare at me and giggle. Ha. Yeah... So funny those two. They keep walking past me and open the door to the locker room still giggling their brains out.

Now lets see where Ricky is... Nope not there... Not there... A-HA! On his roll call number. Duh. Man Stephanie your such a dunce sometimes.

I walk as normal as possible but I can't help but feel excited talking to Ricky. He'll be at the party after all and hes not that bad looking. Pretty dark blue eyes and light blond hair that sticks up in the front. Not too shabby. He likes wearing b-ball shorts and t-shirts and usually some white tennis shoes. Hm... OK hes cute, but I would never date him. A close friend maybe but nothing more.

He finally notices me walking towards him and he has this inviting smile that makes me feel kind of content. Almost like my life is starting. "Hey," he says. I smile back and say, "Hi. So I'm actually gonna go to the party. You gonna hold up your end of the deal and go to?" He smiles even wider and has this kind of shock in his expression. "Wow. Wasn't expecting you to go but sure. What the hell right? Do you want me to pick you up?" I shake my head lightly and say, "No. Tony offered to pick me up at 6:00." "Oh I see." I stand there awkwardly. He pats me on the back like I'm some little kindergartner. OK, that's so not cool. "Do you mind?" I say. His face drops and he stops patting me. "Sorry. Whats your name again?" I give him a shut-up look and walk to my roll call number.

As the P.E. teacher walks out, Ricky turns his back around and stares at me. Maybe he didn't get the clue that I wanted privacy. "OK everyone were going to play some dodge ball," says Coach Sanders. Some of the guys hoot and whistle. Coach Sanders is a woman by the way. Shes nice and coaches the girls basketball team.

As we walk towards the gym Ricky starts walking towards me. I walk the opposite direction hoping he doesn't follow me. I walk faster just to make sure. She orders a couple guys and girls to grab a ball. When she blows the whistle. All tons of balls are flying through the air trying to hit everyone. I flip out. I forgot how much dodge ball was intimidating. I grab a green verb ball from the ground and try hitting Jo Jo but it misses him by a couple inches.

All of sudden Ricky is next to me. He starts catching every ball coming his way and blocks the ones that are about to hit him and me. He passes me a red verb ball and I aim it at Carla and I hit her in the stomach. She screams as it comes towards her. After her little screaming episode she walks off the court and watches from the sidelines. I smile. I am so dang proud of myself.

"Look I'm sorry Steph. I didn't mean to offend you. I was trying to ask you your name as a joke and I was patting you because I thought it would make you happy but my bad. I'm sorry OK?" i frown. How ridiculous. So I say, "I guess your forgiven." Then he smiles and says, "I think Tony likes you. He kept asking about you in second period." I act like I didn't hear a thing. Then he says, "Come on. You like him back don't you?" "I have no intention of liking him at all Ricky. Hes not even my type," I say. "Oh so you have a type now?" He smiles while saying that. Stupid Ricky.

All of a sudden Tony slams the door open and runs towards me and Ricky. Man that boy looks so scared and worried. "Stephanie! Your name is Stephanie!" That's what he was running in here all freaked out for? He must be in some kind of a rush because in seconds hes already two feet from me. "I think you should kiss me," he whispers into my ear. Oh god. No. Tony what the heck got into you! Hes so incredibly close to my lips. I bite my lip and I try pushing him back, but he resists and gets closer instead of farther. "Heads up!" "What?" I say. I totally forgot the meaning of that phrase. Out of nowhere a ball comes hurling towards my head. My head snaps back and I fall backwards... The rest from there is pitch black.

July 10, 2009

Preface/Chapter 1

I looked into his deep violet eyes and I couldn't help but see the beauty in them. He had glossy, long black hair hanging just a little above his shoulders. He kind of smirked. I just stood there dumbfounded. In this dim, dark room the only sound was the heavy beating of my heart. Th-thump th-thump th-thump. My ears were ringing with the steady beat. He looked outside behind the curtain and you could see the light hit him in such a luminescent glow, he looked almost like an angel or a god. I shuddered, why was he doing this? Why me? As he turned around I saw him pull out a sharp knife, its edges already tipped with blood. "No. Please. Please don't!" I screamed, but he ignored my shrill pleads and stepped towards me with a single black tear falling from his face.

Chapter 1
Greenhill High School, one of the most racists schools ever... Well to me. The Asians hang with the Asians, the Mexicans hang with the Mexicans, and you know the rest from there. Except there’s the people like me, the people who just wander along the halls wondering when their life is going to begin or end for some of us.

My name is Steph, short for Stephanie. I'm a sophomore in high school. I live in California with my mom. My dad passed away when I was only three years old. I have an older brother, James, he's 27. He goes to school at UCLA. Shocking, I know. He has beach blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. The kind of guys you see around California. He always was the ladies man. I'm the exact opposite of him. I have long black hair and green/blue eyes with pale skin. I usually hide my face under my black hoodie and avoid people as much as possible.

When I was thirteen I made the decision to make myself invisible. The more people I attract, the more I want to... Destroy. It’s hard to explain. Once I get mad at something all these dark thoughts come into my head. Thoughts of killing people. The rusty, sweet taste of blood always on my mind.

Its something that I've been trying to fix for my whole life, but whatever I do I always just get a little too mad. When it happens... I kind of have this incomprehensible convulsion to destroy. I tear things to shreds.

When I was younger I was wild and so full of anger. I was grumpy and irritated all of the time. I was mean and rude to my parents. I ignored my brother and yelled at him so often. They seemed to just take it, they never yelled back at me or tried putting me on time out. I guess they figured it was natural for me to be like that. I mean the stuff that I did made me hate myself even. Not even one time did I ever get in trouble.

This one time my brother James was playing with his little transformer action figures. I wanted him to get off the couch so that I could play with my new barbie dolls my mom bought for me earlier that day. Obviously the only way he would get off is by me taking them off the couch. So I grabbed his little Bumble bee figure and threw it at the T.V. The T.V. started spurting and exploding with electricity and I just stared at it. I didn't budge from where I was standing. James got up from the couch and yelled, "Mommy! Steph broke the T.V.!" So my mom ran down the stairs and saw the broken T.V. and all she did was call Comcast to come and fix it. When James got his Bumble bee figure back its arm had melted off and he had black spots all over him. He didn't yell at me or even hurt me, all he did was sigh and say, "Steph, you want to come upstairs with me?" Of course being as snooty and bratty as I can be I sneered at him and said, "Why would I want to go with you?" Then I shoved past him and ran upstairs, I slammed the door and just sat there on my bed until dinner time. I guess maybe I was a freak child and who knows why I acted the way I did but none the less I was one little pain in the buttox.

Well you got to see the messed up side of me as a child but theres still more. The whole making myself invisible at school. I hate being around people. All I want is peace and quiet. Thats it and I'm set for a good day, but if you say one word to me its ruined and you will forever remain one of the most annoying people I have ever met in my entire life. Your on the black list or rather the annoying list. Just keep your distance and I'll keep mine.

Moving on to more important things... I have to be in school in one hour and I have no flippin' idea how I'm going to do that. I still have to get ready and look somewhat decent and eat and get all my school books put together, but then again its not like I've never been late to school before.

"Steph! Are you ready yet?! You will not be late again missy!" That would be my mother. She knows me pretty well by knowing I would be late again.

She opens the door and her arm kind of hangs loosely as shes holding the knob with her hand. I can see her cheap painted nails with the little white flowers chipping off. She probably did it herself. Knowing her. "Steph get your butt up and get ready. I want you out of this room in 10 minutes, you hear me?" I just keep my head smashed up against the pillow like I'm in a deep sleep and I can't hear one word shes saying. I bet you she knows I'm awake. "Stephanie I know your awake. Don't pretend you can't hear me." See how good I am? I can predict the future. "Steph!" Should I just give in so easy and say I'm awake? "Mother. Oh sweet, wonderful, adoring, pain in my butt, get out of my room before I scream, mother," I say with an impressively sarcastic voice. "I knew you were awake. Get up. You only have 45 minutes now," she says so exasperated, like shes been saying that for 24 hours everyday of her 40 year old life. "Out. Out mom. Out." I point towards the door. She closes it with a thud and I hear her foot steps going down the stairs.

I pull the covers off and stretch my upper body while yawning. I am pretty sure yawning is contagious. I bet my mother is yawning right now.

I stand up and kick my legs out, stretching them nice and slowly. Making sure every muscle is being used so then I don't get a cramp in P.E.

I walk to my closet and grab my black hoodie and a white cammy to go underneath. I also grab my favorite blue jeans I bought at Pac Sun a couple years ago. I slip the pants through and put the cammy and hoodie on after. Hmmmm... Now shoes. Do I want to be bold? Or normal? Or edgy? Or cute? I think I'll just go with normal. So I grab my gray converse and a pair of socks. Now these aren't just any pairs of socks. They are star socks. They have stars all around 'em and if you turn the lights off you can see them glowing in the dark. Cool right?

Ok outfit, Check.....Now books. I grab A Seperate Peace and my Social Sudies book. I have a test on both of them and oh dear lord I didn't study one bit! I look around for my backpack. Where in the world did I put that darn thing? ......A-HA! It was hiding from me under a pile of clothes on the floor. This poor sucker is gonna have to go on a little trip to annoying people land at a place called school. There is no way I'm going alone.

I head out my bedroom and walk down the stairs. My mom is holding a pop tart while holding the door open for me. "Finally. Your as slow as molasses Steph. Here take this," She passes me the pop tart and says, "Now lets go. We need to get those buns to school." I step outside the door and WHAM! I trip on the little stairs. My pop tart, my wonderfully delicious pop tart flies out of my grasp and lands on the grass. I gaze at it in shock and sadness. Is it ok for me to cry over a pop tart? "Steph!" She gazes at it also with a tired expression, like she spent hours making it from scratch. "Oh well, lets go." I still stare at it as I walk to the passenger side door. I have brought shame to all humanity. Dropping the most prized food of Americans on the ground, all because I tripped on stupid stairs.

I hop in the car and put my seat belt on. My mom puts the key in the ignition and the car roars to life. I can't believe I didn't notice how cold it was today. I huddle in my seat, watching my cold breath escaping my mouth. "You ready for school honey?" my mom says oh so cheerily. I roll my eyes and say, "Who is?"

Now is when I wish I was that pop tart. Just laying there all day is a whole better than being around annoying people. I bet that pop tart is probably smirking and laughing at me. Taunting me to eat it off the ground. Ok, I think I'm loosing it. Stupid Stephanie is making a big deal about a pop tart. I look at my mom and shes fully focused on the road. "Mom what flavor was that pop tart?" She turns to look at me with one of those Stephanie-does-it-matter looks. I ignore the stare and say, "So what flavor was it?" She shakes her head and finally says, "It was a chocolate fudge pop tart Steph. Stop making such a fuss about it." I gaze out the window and frown at my reflection. I just had the chance to eat something nice and chocolatey and fudgey and now its gone. Stupid stairs!

We make the trip all the way to stupid Greenhill High School. As usual, I'm late. "Have a good day at school! Be smart!" she points her index finger while saying that. I nod my head and say, "Yes mom." I watch the car slowly turn the corner. My only means of transportation lost. Now I must face what every kid dreads. School.