July 10, 2009

Preface/Chapter 1

I looked into his deep violet eyes and I couldn't help but see the beauty in them. He had glossy, long black hair hanging just a little above his shoulders. He kind of smirked. I just stood there dumbfounded. In this dim, dark room the only sound was the heavy beating of my heart. Th-thump th-thump th-thump. My ears were ringing with the steady beat. He looked outside behind the curtain and you could see the light hit him in such a luminescent glow, he looked almost like an angel or a god. I shuddered, why was he doing this? Why me? As he turned around I saw him pull out a sharp knife, its edges already tipped with blood. "No. Please. Please don't!" I screamed, but he ignored my shrill pleads and stepped towards me with a single black tear falling from his face.

Chapter 1
Greenhill High School, one of the most racists schools ever... Well to me. The Asians hang with the Asians, the Mexicans hang with the Mexicans, and you know the rest from there. Except there’s the people like me, the people who just wander along the halls wondering when their life is going to begin or end for some of us.

My name is Steph, short for Stephanie. I'm a sophomore in high school. I live in California with my mom. My dad passed away when I was only three years old. I have an older brother, James, he's 27. He goes to school at UCLA. Shocking, I know. He has beach blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. The kind of guys you see around California. He always was the ladies man. I'm the exact opposite of him. I have long black hair and green/blue eyes with pale skin. I usually hide my face under my black hoodie and avoid people as much as possible.

When I was thirteen I made the decision to make myself invisible. The more people I attract, the more I want to... Destroy. It’s hard to explain. Once I get mad at something all these dark thoughts come into my head. Thoughts of killing people. The rusty, sweet taste of blood always on my mind.

Its something that I've been trying to fix for my whole life, but whatever I do I always just get a little too mad. When it happens... I kind of have this incomprehensible convulsion to destroy. I tear things to shreds.

When I was younger I was wild and so full of anger. I was grumpy and irritated all of the time. I was mean and rude to my parents. I ignored my brother and yelled at him so often. They seemed to just take it, they never yelled back at me or tried putting me on time out. I guess they figured it was natural for me to be like that. I mean the stuff that I did made me hate myself even. Not even one time did I ever get in trouble.

This one time my brother James was playing with his little transformer action figures. I wanted him to get off the couch so that I could play with my new barbie dolls my mom bought for me earlier that day. Obviously the only way he would get off is by me taking them off the couch. So I grabbed his little Bumble bee figure and threw it at the T.V. The T.V. started spurting and exploding with electricity and I just stared at it. I didn't budge from where I was standing. James got up from the couch and yelled, "Mommy! Steph broke the T.V.!" So my mom ran down the stairs and saw the broken T.V. and all she did was call Comcast to come and fix it. When James got his Bumble bee figure back its arm had melted off and he had black spots all over him. He didn't yell at me or even hurt me, all he did was sigh and say, "Steph, you want to come upstairs with me?" Of course being as snooty and bratty as I can be I sneered at him and said, "Why would I want to go with you?" Then I shoved past him and ran upstairs, I slammed the door and just sat there on my bed until dinner time. I guess maybe I was a freak child and who knows why I acted the way I did but none the less I was one little pain in the buttox.

Well you got to see the messed up side of me as a child but theres still more. The whole making myself invisible at school. I hate being around people. All I want is peace and quiet. Thats it and I'm set for a good day, but if you say one word to me its ruined and you will forever remain one of the most annoying people I have ever met in my entire life. Your on the black list or rather the annoying list. Just keep your distance and I'll keep mine.

Moving on to more important things... I have to be in school in one hour and I have no flippin' idea how I'm going to do that. I still have to get ready and look somewhat decent and eat and get all my school books put together, but then again its not like I've never been late to school before.

"Steph! Are you ready yet?! You will not be late again missy!" That would be my mother. She knows me pretty well by knowing I would be late again.

She opens the door and her arm kind of hangs loosely as shes holding the knob with her hand. I can see her cheap painted nails with the little white flowers chipping off. She probably did it herself. Knowing her. "Steph get your butt up and get ready. I want you out of this room in 10 minutes, you hear me?" I just keep my head smashed up against the pillow like I'm in a deep sleep and I can't hear one word shes saying. I bet you she knows I'm awake. "Stephanie I know your awake. Don't pretend you can't hear me." See how good I am? I can predict the future. "Steph!" Should I just give in so easy and say I'm awake? "Mother. Oh sweet, wonderful, adoring, pain in my butt, get out of my room before I scream, mother," I say with an impressively sarcastic voice. "I knew you were awake. Get up. You only have 45 minutes now," she says so exasperated, like shes been saying that for 24 hours everyday of her 40 year old life. "Out. Out mom. Out." I point towards the door. She closes it with a thud and I hear her foot steps going down the stairs.

I pull the covers off and stretch my upper body while yawning. I am pretty sure yawning is contagious. I bet my mother is yawning right now.

I stand up and kick my legs out, stretching them nice and slowly. Making sure every muscle is being used so then I don't get a cramp in P.E.

I walk to my closet and grab my black hoodie and a white cammy to go underneath. I also grab my favorite blue jeans I bought at Pac Sun a couple years ago. I slip the pants through and put the cammy and hoodie on after. Hmmmm... Now shoes. Do I want to be bold? Or normal? Or edgy? Or cute? I think I'll just go with normal. So I grab my gray converse and a pair of socks. Now these aren't just any pairs of socks. They are star socks. They have stars all around 'em and if you turn the lights off you can see them glowing in the dark. Cool right?

Ok outfit, Check.....Now books. I grab A Seperate Peace and my Social Sudies book. I have a test on both of them and oh dear lord I didn't study one bit! I look around for my backpack. Where in the world did I put that darn thing? ......A-HA! It was hiding from me under a pile of clothes on the floor. This poor sucker is gonna have to go on a little trip to annoying people land at a place called school. There is no way I'm going alone.

I head out my bedroom and walk down the stairs. My mom is holding a pop tart while holding the door open for me. "Finally. Your as slow as molasses Steph. Here take this," She passes me the pop tart and says, "Now lets go. We need to get those buns to school." I step outside the door and WHAM! I trip on the little stairs. My pop tart, my wonderfully delicious pop tart flies out of my grasp and lands on the grass. I gaze at it in shock and sadness. Is it ok for me to cry over a pop tart? "Steph!" She gazes at it also with a tired expression, like she spent hours making it from scratch. "Oh well, lets go." I still stare at it as I walk to the passenger side door. I have brought shame to all humanity. Dropping the most prized food of Americans on the ground, all because I tripped on stupid stairs.

I hop in the car and put my seat belt on. My mom puts the key in the ignition and the car roars to life. I can't believe I didn't notice how cold it was today. I huddle in my seat, watching my cold breath escaping my mouth. "You ready for school honey?" my mom says oh so cheerily. I roll my eyes and say, "Who is?"

Now is when I wish I was that pop tart. Just laying there all day is a whole better than being around annoying people. I bet that pop tart is probably smirking and laughing at me. Taunting me to eat it off the ground. Ok, I think I'm loosing it. Stupid Stephanie is making a big deal about a pop tart. I look at my mom and shes fully focused on the road. "Mom what flavor was that pop tart?" She turns to look at me with one of those Stephanie-does-it-matter looks. I ignore the stare and say, "So what flavor was it?" She shakes her head and finally says, "It was a chocolate fudge pop tart Steph. Stop making such a fuss about it." I gaze out the window and frown at my reflection. I just had the chance to eat something nice and chocolatey and fudgey and now its gone. Stupid stairs!

We make the trip all the way to stupid Greenhill High School. As usual, I'm late. "Have a good day at school! Be smart!" she points her index finger while saying that. I nod my head and say, "Yes mom." I watch the car slowly turn the corner. My only means of transportation lost. Now I must face what every kid dreads. School.

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