August 10, 2009

Life Sucks

I just got back from Yosemite and well... To put it simply before I left I told my Best Friend that we weren't that close anymore because... I haven't really told her how much has happened over the summer and I don't want to seem selfish because she always makes it to a point where when I try saying something she'll be like "We weren't talking about you, we were talking about (insert name)... Anyways going on..." And blah blah blah. So I just shut up and don't say anything because when I try saying something that will let it seem casual if I tell her something she just tells me... Doesn't exactly tell me but I get the vibe from her to stop. So I don't bother. Why bother her if shes not gonna want to listen...? So I told her we weren't that close anymore. Implying that we probably need space because why bother with a messed up girl like me?

Then I layed down on my bed and I just decided that I was gonna tell her EVERYTHING. Just everything thats on my mind and that I care about her and love her like a sister still and shes still my BFF in my eyes but when I got on the computer hoping that she'd be online she has like this note thing on facebook. You know those notes where they answer questions.. Well it had something to do with your cell phone and 'Who's the third person in camera?' And it turned out to be her other friend who I say shes getting close to. More close than me... And I just lost it. I didn't feel like I should tell her everything... I mean shes moving on so fast and I figured she'd linger, maybe just be a tad sad about it but it turns out that she isn't... I told her 'See yeah!' and in re-turn for wanting our close friendship back I get a 'I moved on loser! See you at school sometime! bye!' ....There was more but not one thing in those 'notes' was me... I used to text her all the time. Tell her the most intimate things in my life. She was like my extended family, except I never told her that and its obviously too late now... I guess I just have to move on also but I can't help but feel depressed and upset about it.

I am such an idiot... Hopefully this school year just might let me have her back but I doubt it.. Things change... I still wish they wouldn't...

If your reading this right now "BFF"... I hope you know that I love you and your always gonna be that BFF I let go with out giving it a real shot... RAWR. :] .... :[

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